New Year, New Trials
Hello, hello 2026.
Every year I start off with such good intentions like this year is going to be different or I’m going to achieve something great this year and then something bad usually happens. I try not to be a pessimist, but the past few years have thrown heavy shotputs at my narrative and blown holes wide open. I then force myself to carry on as normal, but that doesn’t work out as it turns out you actually need to process things and give yourself grace to make things any better.
Well, at the end of 2025 my body decided to shut down for me. I was dealing with a huge amount of stress at work, alongside personal responsibilities which I was finding harder and harder to do. I have a chronic illness that is currently untreated for a variety of reasons (adding to the stress), but this means it flares up and gets worse and worse each time. Not looking after myself physically or mentally led to me deteriorating quickly and resulted in me needing an extended period of time away from work to recover. Over Christmas, I started to process this and other things that have just been simmering away underneath piles and piles of delusion and ignorance.
It wasn’t all negative though. I managed to get out of my reading slump and finished two really great books (reviews coming soon), and start having a real think about my future and what I want it to look like. My happiness can’t be contingent on work, as that’s just setting yourself up for failure. It also can’t be reliant on others, because that’s unfair. I need to find and do the things that make me happy and alleviate the stress that builds up from just being alive right now. I also need to be a bit kinder to myself, and let myself flow into any container like a liquid. If I mess up that’s okay, because messing up shows us areas in which we can get better. Also, if everything was perfect, where are the opportunities for laughter and growth?
This year, I’m really trying to practice what I preach to everyone else in my life. I’m pursuing the things that light a candle and avoiding things that try to snuff it out. This all feels quite dramatic lol and hopefully the rest of my personal posts won’t be quite so heavy, but it feels good to get it out there and I suppose that’s the point of what I'm trying to do here.
Come along for the ride, I’d appreciate the company.
-Chlo