In the beginning…
Well, we’re here again at the beginning.
It’s quite an exciting beginning. Starting this project and putting myself and my work out there has been in the works since I was 18 and started my English and Creative Writing degree, but that doesn’t mean that this hasn't come without a healthy dose of fear. Fake it till you make it is my motto, and it turns out, it’s most people’s too.
You’ll read something from one of your favourite authors or writers, and think, ‘wow, they’re so confident and good at what they do’, while that person is sat behind their computer worrying about how it’s not quite perfect, and they should probably just give up. Imposter syndrome is very real, and impacts most other writers I know, so at least we’re not on our own I guess? That doesn’t make it feel any better really, but at least we’re in this broken boat together.
I’ve been writing ‘professionally’ for over ten years now, and have enjoyed the random freelance opportunities I’ve been able to pick up outside of my full-time job. I’ve enjoyed them so much that I’ve cut down my working hours so I can do this properly, or at least give myself more time to anyway. I’ve got a bunch of novel ideas I’m going to be working on, alongside pitching for some fun articles I actually want to write so keep your eyes peeled on my writing page for updates!
My day job in communications still means that I get to write for work, but it’s different when you have to represent another person, or a brand, or a view that you don’t necessarily agree with. There’s a lack of creativity and a lack of that electric feeling you get when you’re working on something that genuinely moves you. But, it pays the bills, and I’m not unrealistic in that I know I’m in quite a privileged position being able to do both.
I’m now giving myself the opportunity to explore the things that I’m genuinely interested in, which is quite exciting, but also gives rise to that nasty little imposter worm who sits on my tragus and whispers sweet nothings into my ear as I type. I guess my challenge at this new/old beginning is to quiet the worm and let myself write however I want to, about whatever I want to. Shut up, worm.
To keep myself honest and motivated, I’m going to be sharing a blog a week about what writing bits I’ve got up to, or what research I’ve been doing to support my novels. I hope it’ll be of interest, and I will do my utmost to always be honest because, well, what’s the point otherwise?
Writing is hard. I’ve spent my entire academic career, and the majority of my working one, pushing to get better and better at writing so I can emulate the greats. I still find writing hard- sometimes the words just won’t come; sometimes the muse is sleeping and refuses to get up; sometimes I want to play video games for five hours to decompress after a particularly bad day. But I always come back to it, because writing is my home.
I’ve built safe spaces between the pages of stacks of books. I fall asleep plotting conversations and story arcs, which I obviously forget as soon as I’ve drifted off. Whenever things are a bit too much, I’ll pick up a book and read it the whole way through so, for a few hours, I’m elsewhere and my problems don’t exist. Isn’t writing wonderful? I’ll forever be grateful to the authors I read growing up and nowadays, for giving myself and thousands of people across the world a brief moment of peace and distraction. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be providing that moment to others; that’s the dream after all. Now I just have to do it…
Anyway, to new and old beginnings alike. I hope you come along for the ride.
-Chlo